The umpiring world has recently moved into the spotlight marred by controversial calls and untraditionally vocal comments by players, managers, and umpires.  In the thick of it all is Joe West, president of the World Umpires Association.  After numerous calls from Mr. West’s publicist, we agreed to interview him.

FANO BASEBALLO: Hi Joe, thank you very much for sitting down with me to discuss the current state of officiating in Major League Baseball.  With all the recent controversial calls and debate on instant replay, it’s great to get a chance to speak to someone from the other side of the plate.

JOE WEST: You are very welcome, Fano.  Here, have an autographed CD.

Fano: Um, thanks.  Well, let’s jump right in shall we?  At the very beginning of the season, you made comments that the Red Sox and Yankees were “pathetic” for taking so long t—-

Joe: Speaking of taking long, is this interview going to take long?  I have a gig at 7pm that I have to go to.

Fano: Oh, sorry, I didn’t know you were scheduled for a game.  Which ga—

Joe: Game?  No, I’m performing at Rusty’s Crab Shack tonight.  131 Wilshire Blvd. Tickets available at the door or call 845-555-2356 for reserve seating.  Parking located at the Dunkin Donuts next door.

Fano: Ummm, okay.  Well, as I was saying, you made headlines–

Joe: Speaking of headlining, from November 15 through November 16, I’ll be performing a one man show at the Monroe Community Theatre, 475 State Route 17M, next to the K-Mart and the Grand Union.  For tickets, call 845-555-2356.

Fano: Right.  Well, as I was trying to say, the umpiring world has been scrutinized for questionable calls and acts.

Joe: I agree. A lot of umpires have been getting out of hand.  Not just umpires though, the fans are acting ridiculous, not to mention players.  Remember the whole A-Rod/Dallas Braden incident?

Fano: Well, yes.  Dallas Braden chastised A-Rod for breaking an unwritten rule, thus prompting Braden to create a line of bracelets, “WWJD” or “What Would Jeter Do?” in reference to how a player should act.

Joe:  Exactly.  That is why I have come out with “WWJWD” bracelets.  “What Would Joe West Do?” Basically, fans, players, other umpires can wear the bracelet and know that if they ever have a problem, just think about what I would do!

Fano:  Why on earth would-

Joe:  And if they order within the next 20 years, they will receive a free copy of my latest CD, Diamond Dreams!  Just call 845-555-2356 and mention promo code “Payattentiontome” The bracelet is normally $59.99, but they can get it for only $19.99 through this promotion!  Add in the CD, and that’s a $45 value!

Fano: That would mean the CD is only worth $5. And isn’t that your cell phone number?  Anyway, tha-

Joe:  I’ll be performing songs from the CD tonight!  You have to come! I can get you in at a 5% discount!  Please come. Please. 

Fano: Errr, I have to interview Stephan Strasburg later today, sorry.

Joe: Well, all right. Do you want to take my picture?

Fano: No………  Well,….bye?  You can go now.

Joe:  http://www.cowboyjoewest.com!

Fano: Just go.